LIFE OR DEATH... SINK OR SWIM...

I want to start over. I regret my life up to this very second. If I could go back, I would.

To anyone who’s ever felt alone. To anyone who has ever chanted 666 in hopes to make a deal with the devil to turn back time. To anyone who hurts themselves on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. To anyone who hate himself, anyone in pain, anyone silent when all they want to do is scream. To anyone with regrets, anyone with bloodied knuckles. To anyone who doesn’t leave their bedroom for days because they can’t muster the energy.

To anyone whose regrets haunt them every day, anyone who daydreams of the past and loses their present, anyone whose every joint snaps when they get up. To anyone who always fake a smile. To anyone who looks in the mirror and watches silently as a stranger cries back... This is for you.

The last straw has broken my back. I live every day with the pain of my mistakes, with a lump in my throat remembering the years I wasted. But I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not the person I once was, but I can be a better person than I ever was. I can be thankful for the past, because it has made me stronger. I know what I don’t want. I know what I want to do.

I want to be a lawyer, a writer, an astronaut, a pilot, a friend...

I want to eat exotic foods, I want to sky dive, I want to write my own book, I want to have my private airplane and a really nice car..

I want to ride on my plane and see Greece, Spain, Mexico, see the Stonehenge, the Easter Island, the Galapagos Island, see the world... I want to walk on the moon... I want to experience life. I want to be loved... I want to fulfill my constant yearning for acceptance. I want to be happy. I will be happy... I choose today..

I’m writing down a list of my goals. I will do anything to reach them. They are written on a piece of paper, signed with my initials and stamped on my heart. I will not fail. I may trip up. But I will get up stronger for it. I will let each day be done with the setting of the sun, and learn from the blunders and love the good memories. I will live well, I will have my revenge.

The choices that we make today define who we are tomorrow.

If you have come this far, then there must be something in you that brought you this far. Get up, dust yourself off and come right back, not only with a vengeance but also with a plan to win!

Someone asked me if I believe in magic, and I said yes, and that’s how. You just step out, start pulling your life out of the air. You make friends, you find work you really like doing, you find places. You find diners and beaches. You find a junk car and drive it for a month, then leave it beside the road. You find someone to fall in love with you. You make it all up as you go.

For what it’s worth, it’s never too late…to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit…start whenever you want…you can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you meet people with a different point of view, I hope you live a life that you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again...